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WHY DO WE FEAR WHAT WE WANT TO BECOME?

WHY, do I never become what I want to be? All my life I've been the pretty girl that's shy. The girl that gets bullied by or dragged down by other women because of their jealousy. And I've always been the one who hates drama, and defending themselves until my emotions get too strong and I EXPLODE--sometimes on the wrong person.

Why, I am I like this? I'm in the process of looking for a new job and I'm tired of the same shit happening: girls being mean to me, feeling shy, and placed as the pretty but shy girl that gets ignored by far more outgoing (most of the time slutty) girls.  At my last job everyone talked about me behind my back or talked about me in near range: " That girl Ashley is really strange," "She's weird" "She act's so old" "Oh she's so quiet she never talks." Not only the comments I had to deal with, but the fact that they would try to take my sales.

At my other sales job the same thing happened-- people trying to take my sales and talk shit. I know its jealously because I'm very good at sales, and they want to bring me down to make me FALL-- AND IT WORKS !!! AM I STILL BURNED FROM BEING TEASED ALL MY LIFE THAT I'M STUCK THIS WAY?

I WANT OUT.. I WANT TO BE THE HOT GIRL WHO IS OUTGOING WHO ATTRACTS ALL THE GUYS--NOT JUST GHETTO BLACK AND LATINO GUYS. I WANT TO BE THE GIRL THAT STANDS UP FOR HERSELF, THAT LETS HERSELF GO AND KNOWS HOW TO HAVE FUN. I WANT REAL FRIENDS, A REAL SOCIAL LIFE, AND DATES WITH REAL MEN NOT BOYS!!!!


So why do I fall back into the trap, maybe because it's so comfortable to be a loser instead of a winner. Maybe I'm so used to be being oppressed for so long that I can not see the beauty I have become--on the inside and out. I'm the fat girl w/ pig tails and glasses in elementary school--but I still act like it sometimes.

Why is confidence so easy for others? I'm just tired of it and something needs to change. How can I deal with mean, bitchy coworkers without the fear of getting fired?


P.S. at my last horrible job even my manager bullied me-- I ended up quitting without resigning. :(


I just need to learn to be a stronger person, I need to let go of my fear. At work I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing in losing my job. When it comes to guys I feel I can't compete.

I NEED TO BRING SEXYBACK!!!... I DESERVE SO MUCH MORE!



WHY DO WE FEAR WHAT WE WANT TO BECOME?

WHY, do I never become what I want to be? All my life I've been the pretty girl that's shy. The girl that gets bullied by or dragged down by other women because of their jealousy. And I've always been the one who hates drama, and defending themselves until my emotions get too strong and I EXPLOD--sometimes on the wrong person.

Why, I am I like this? I'm in the process of looking for a new job and I'm tired of the same shit happening: girls being mean to me, feeling shy, and placed as the pretty but shy girl that gets ignored by far more outgoing (most of the time slutty) girls.  At my last job everyone talked about me behind my back or talked about me in near range: " That girl Ashley is really strange," "She's weird" "She act's so old" "Oh she's so quiet she never talks." Not only the comments I had to deal with, but the fact that they would try to take my sales.

At my other sales job the same thing happened-- people trying to take my sales and talk shit. I know its jealously because I'm very good at sales, and they want to bring me down to make me FALL-- AND IT WORKS !!! AM I STILL BURNED FROM BEING TEASED ALL MY LIFE THAT I'M STUCK THIS WAY?

I WANT OUT.. I WANT TO BE THE HOT GIRL WHO IS OUTGOING WHO ATTRACTS ALL THE GUYS--NOT JUST GHETTO BLACK AND LATINO GUYS. I WANT TO BE THE GIRL THAT STANDS UP FOR HERSELF, THAT LETS HERSELF GO AND KNOWS HOW TO HAVE FUN. I WANT REAL FRIENDS, A REAL SOCIAL LIFE, AND DATES WITH REAL MEN NOT BOYS!!!!


So why do I fall back into the trap, maybe because it's so comfortable to be a loser instead of a winner. Maybe I'm so used to be being oppressed for so long that I can not see the beauty I have become--on the inside and out. I'm the fat girl w/ pig tails and glasses in elementary school--but I still act like it sometimes.

Why is confidence so easy for others? I'm just tired of it and something needs to change. How can I deal with mean, bitchy coworkers without the fear of getting fired?


P.S. at my last horrible job even my manager builled me-- I ended up quitting without resigning. :(

Who's UR IDeal Mate?

First of all before I even date a guy he MUST have a car (no hoopdy) , way more financially stable than I, have stable job/career, have own place-- doesn't have to live by himself long as he doesn't live with (mom,dad,aunt,uncle,grandma,grandpa), and no drug dealers or hardcore abuser of any drugs.

So anyway past the requirements, I would like him to :
  1. Like mostly Rock music, but likes other genre's as well
  2. Open-minded and Independent in his own thoughts--- (I like guys who are different)
  3. at least 5'7 + (but if really hot then at least 5'6)
  4. Outgoing, but not flirtatious
  5. Confident but not cocky or extremely blunt
  6. Likes movies, concerts, going out to eat, enjoys the Arts, but most importantly REALLY GOOD MUSIC
  7. Good dresser (or decent dresser will do as long as they look like they care)
  8. Not cheap
Hot Guy List: Pharrell Williams, Trent Reznor, Ville Valo, old skool Brandon Davis, Christian Bale, Chris Evans, Daimean of OK GO, Seth Green, Edward Norton, Alan Rickman(OK SUE YES HE IS OLD AS HELL), Dave Grohl, Dr. MCSteamy... okay I have too many to list!!


* I'm tired of dating guys who are always broke, who always ask me for money or some type of help, who live at home with their momma, and if and when they get money are cheap as hell. Also I'm tired of dating cocky, blunt asshole's who think they know everything--and think their the shit!!

The Interview

Ugh, I don't know if I did really bad or what, but I was extremely nervous. My interview was at 10:30am, and their was an older guy being interviewed before me.. very professional looking. The look of the other candidate made me even more nervous. So soon its my turn and I'm even more nervous but I try to fake it. The Hiring Manager looked over my resume, told me what the company did and then asked me if I had any questions, and then he asked me why I think I would be a good candidate. I DON'T remember a thing I really said, I did tell him I was nervous. He was joking with me and everything, and the interview was over in 8 minutes!! I go "That was fast," and he said "That doesn't always mean a bad thing."

In the end I don't want the job you only get paid once you laid a deal and it's commission.

P.S. The Hiring Manager did tell me someone would be in contact with me. Bad news: only one slot up..so who knows I guess :(

Thanks for everyone wishing me well, and I'll find something if I don't get this so I'm not worried :)

Sorry I've been so boring Lately

Everyone is on vaction or busy working. I haven't been to the gym in a month. I stay up late and go to bed till 3am. I have shit to do, I'm so broke and bored.


BUT ANYWHOOO,friends I have a job interview as a ADVERTISING SALES REP for a Magazine tommorow. The transition to Bellevue University is going good: 47 credits transfered, and I have 2 general education classes left, but need to know what to do about electives.


SO NEW JOB (I PRAY TO GET IT), NEW SCHOOL.. MY 21ST YEAR ON THIS EARTH IS STARTING OFF GOOD!!!!
I've never had to wait more than 3 days to a week to hear from a job prospect, granted all my past jobs have been shitty retail jobs w/ high turnover (probably why I didn't have to wait so long). Last Friday, I applied to a bunch of jobs on Hotjobs.com, I also applied to the DMV,  and I was also thinking of applying for this job near the airport. I'm kind of freaking out because I feel I might not be picked for a real job, and I'm really not a patient person. I'm going to follow up on all my jobs Friday, and then if I don't get called in for an interview I will apply to work w/ a Temp Agency. If all fails with them I can try Best Buy or Money Clip magazine (it's sales so I'm making that my last resort).


I wish I had connections, because if I did I wouldn't have to wait for a long to hear if I got the job or not.

Magazine Covers: Updated


Gwen Doesn't look like a Tranny to me?? I find this photo pretty, but her facial expression is blah.
* EDITED: MAYBE I'M JUST IN LOVE WITH HER SHINY LONG HAIR? THE TAN GIVES HER A TROPEZ LOOK.


Harry's a hot guy, but they photoshopped his face to death!

Awesome Job or Devious Scam?



By Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com.


Anyone who has ever looked for a job has certainly seen countless ads that simply sound too good to be true. What do these ads look like? They probably included phrases such as:

Make $4,000 a Week from Home -- No Sales!

No experience necessary!

Earn $35,000 - $50,000 a year working part-time!


Sounds great, right? Well, like most things in life, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is.

From envelope-stuffing schemes to mystery shopper promotions, the world of scam ads is wide and complex. The problem with many work-at-home schemes is that they require the worker to spend their own money to get started, and once they do, there's often no return on investment. In many cases, you will have to foot the bill for supplies, starter kits, training and more. Other situations that claim to be "easy money with no sales" often do involve a great deal of sales work in challenging environments.

Sheila Adkins, spokesperson for the Council of Better Business Bureaus, says that while there are some credible work-at-home opportunities out there, many of these ads are not the real thing. "It's very hard to find a legitimate work-at-home opportunity through an ad like these."

Adkins says there are clues that can help you figure out if an ad is a great opportunity or a dangerous scam.

1. Be Alert for Red Flags.

"One sure red flag is when you review the ad and it does not say specifically what the work will be," she says. Another, is the phrase "no experience necessary," especially when coupled with the promise of big money. Promises like these should tell you right away that the opportunity is not legitimate. Be cautious, too, of any companies that operate outside the country.

2. Do Your Research.

If you are trying to sort the good from the bad, Adkins says you have to do a little investigative work. She suggests checking with the Better Business Bureau, your state's Attorney General, and other state business offices to see if the company is licensed and registered to do business in your state. Most fraudulent companies will not go through the work of filling out the paperwork and registering with the appropriate organizations.

3. Insist on a Face-to-Face Meeting.
If the company representative wants to conduct all business with you via e-mail, phone and fax, look out. Adkins says you should always ask for a face-to-face meeting before taking on a business opportunity.

4. Don't Give out Personal Information.
Many con artists use business opportunity schemes to gather personal information for identity theft. You should never give out information like your Social Security number or bank account number, especially over the phone or online.

5. Look Out For "Pay to Play" Opportunities.

"Beware of any company that requires money to be sent or involves large startup costs," Adkins says. Yes, there are some work-at-home opportunities that are legitimate and require an initial investment, such as selling Mary Kay cosmetics or Avon products. But Adkins points out that these are established companies that have been around for years and have positive reputations.

6. Ask lots of questions.
If you have found a possible opportunity and have scheduled a face-to-face meeting, Adkins says you need to be prepared to ask many questions, including:

  • Who will be paying me?
  • How often will I be paid?
  • What exactly will I be doing?
  • Is this contract-based or permanent work?
  • Where is your company's physical location?
  • Does your company operate under any other names?
  • What is the total cost for me to participate in this program?
  • What is your company's privacy policy?

    If you are not satisfied with answers to any of these questions, then simply walk away. Even if you are, take time to verify what they told you.

    Yes, many people do earn a living working from home. But it is important to understand that most of these individuals are working in a field in which they already have experience. Establishing a home-based business takes a lot of work, dedication, contacts and time. If a company tells you that you can make it to the top immediately, you are probably better off moving on to the next opportunity.



    Kate Lorenz is the article and advice editor for CareerBuilder.com. She's an expert in job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.
  •  

    JOB SCAMS!!: RIP OFF REPORT

    Today I was contacted by 3 Illegal Companies:

     1.) TIDEWATER EVENTS INC. AKA SECOND STREET MARKETING
    2.)  TOOSPOILED.INC/ONCE WORLD VOICE, USA VOICE
    (and a bunch of other names)
    3.) INTERNATIONAL READERS LEAGUE AKA ACTIVE PERIODICALS.


    • Tidewater Events Inc. = I keep seeing their ads on HotJobs.com and Monster.com, they claimed to be an award winning Marketing company who specialized in working w/ Nonprofit organizations that deal w/ Child Safety. Since I had an interest, I called them (that’s what the ad said do), but then the receptionist said "GO ONLINE FILL OUT THE APPLICATION AND IF YOU ARE QUALIFIED SOMEONE WILL CONTACT YOU FOR AN INTERVIEW." Well today I got an email saying that I got approved for an interview and then 30 minutes later they called me -- I did not answer instead let them leave a message.

    From what I researched online they don't exist I can't find one Press Release or Photo proof of any events they claim to sponsor, plus on indeed.com a person said that they went by two names --- I RESEARCHED and they sure do, with same contact info!!!

    • TooSpoiled.INC = I received and email today saying that I had be selected for the Site Moderator position based on my qualifications and search the employer did on HotJobs.com. They are a scam too they pay their employee's commission only or not at all. They claim to be a Talent Agency, but again they are false.
    • Readers International League = they just called my house; my dad picked up and told them I was asleep. Then he saw that I was downstairs told me "Oh, I thought you were asleep Readers International something called, I told them you were asleep. Did you order books or something?" I told him no, and started immediately researching in internet = SCAM NO.3. Their like some Publisher's Clearance House crap.


                              ANYWAY, I WROTE THIS POST TO WARN OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT THESE ORGANIZATIONS: THEY ARE OUT THERE LIVE & WELL TARGETING MOSTLY YOUNG FOLKS, BUT ANYONE DESPERATE AND NATIVE ENOUGH TO LISTEN!!

    - They even sign up under the Better Business Bureau, but never are members-



    Links:

    Job Scam: TooSpoiled.Com
     Rip Off Report: Active Periodicals & Int'l Readers League
     Rip Off Report: Tidewater Events

     ANYWHOO, I'm going to the Element Lounge for my bday, any RICHMOND friends ever been to this place?  


    I want to drink some Mjitos and Martini's...wee..



    1.) SO WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING 21?
     2.)WHAT DID YOU DO FOR MY 21ST BIRTHDAY? and.... 
    3.)DO YOU STILL SOMETIMES WISH YOU WERE A TEENAGER, AND IF SO WHY?



    I'm about to turn 21 next following Tuesday (the 14th), and I am so excited!! I feel like a new beginning is coming soon, plus I'll be able to do more things social wise.  I also don't feel like such a kid anymore, thank god--sometimes I feel like an old woman trapped w/ a face of a 16 year old.